During my recovery [from tearing my ACL], I was able to find some solace in reading and I decided to put some quotes in this piece to provide a little extra insight on how I was, and continue to persevere through this injury.
 
When I was approached about writing this piece I was a little hesitant, since March 5^th, the day I was injured, the first question I usually get is "how are you feeling, how's the knee?" That question is typically followed by some account from their perspective of what happened that day and how you could "hear a pin drop in the stadium." To be blunt, I still hate hearing and talking about it. However, I hope by sharing my story I can provide inspiration to anyone out there who is going through a trying time and serve as a role model to other athletes.
 
As I try to relive the moment I tore my ACL, a mix of emotions swell over me time and time again. I haven't been asked to recount the moment it happened until now so it's a little difficult, but I'll try my best. There was less than 10 seconds left in the first half and I was riding the opposing player on the sideline waiting for the horn to go off any second. The girl stopped and turned around to redirect the field so instinctually I did the same, or at least I tried too. Somewhere in the middle of my deceleration and switching directions, my cleat remained in the turf while my body attempted to changed directions. I watch the video of it happening almost every day. I'm not sure why, but I can't help it.
 
I feel like it was almost slow motion, and then everything went into fast forward. I hit the turf and screamed. People always say you know exactly when you tear your ACL, and I can attest to that. While I was lying on the turf being evaluated, every emotion possible was running through my mind. My senior season, my job, surgery, the record… After having such a successful junior year there was a lot of expectations coming into 2017. Kylie [Ohmiller] and I had just graced the covers of 2 huge magazine publications before the start of the season, I was coming off an All-American, record-setting campaign, and was expected to surpass what I had just accomplished less than a year ago.
 
My senior season wasn't off to the hot start I and everyone else in the country anticipated. I scored one goal in our opener against Towson and we barely made it out with a win that game. Its college sports, I get it. My job as an attacker is to score goals so when I don't, people talk. What most people didn't know was that I broke my hand probably within the first 10 minutes of that game and still continued to finish the game. You may think a broken hand is nothing, but when you're trying to hold a stick and play lacrosse it's definitely not the easiest thing in the world. Fast forward late that night my hand was casted up and I was out for 6-8 weeks; I think the cast lasted on my hand about a week and a half. I was not going to let this determine the rest of my season. BJ concocted some way to protect my hand and I continued to play, two games later, I went down with an ACL tear.
   
I would one hundred percent be lying if I say that after my injury I supported the team to the best of my ability. Mentally it was tough, I had a million things running through my head and my team's success wasn't at the top like it should have been. Do I redshirt, go through the grueling rehab process and attempt to come back better than I left? Or do I go ahead with my life, start the job I just accepted on Wall Street and leave things the way they ended? That was probably the hardest decision of my life. I was torn.
 
Our team went on to reach new heights in 2017, something that all those seniors, my best friends, well deserved. Was I happy for them? Of course, our program finally took that next step and showed that we are legit title contenders. There were plenty of thoughts in the back of my mind… why are they having so much success without me? It was something you couldn't say out loud but was eating me alive on the inside.
 
 
After a lot of deliberation, I decided to return - clearly. It definitely hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows like most people may think and I let myself drown in my own self-pity a little too long for my liking, but everyone's grieving process is different. What matters is that I know, without a doubt, I made the right choice returning. I got to experience how my life would have been this summer with an internship in NYC at the company that I would have been working for if things went according to plan. I loved the people, the atmosphere, what I would be doing, but something was missing. Lacrosse is something that, before my injury, I took for granted. Now, for these last eight months, I continually cherish each day I have, good or bad.
 
Recovery is a whole new monster. I remember the days right after surgery. I couldn't even do a leg lift. I couldn't squeeze my quad, to be honest I atrophied so bad I don't think there was even a quad to squeeze… Such simple tasks were now hurdles to overcome and it troubled me. My first few months weren't promising, I wasn't making the progress that was expected and I really wanted to just give up. Then it hit me. Danni Kemp just fought the boldest battle one can endure and here I was complaining about something I am sure she would have defeated in a heartbeat.
 
So, Danni, thank you. You've touched so many people with your courage and grace. You have inspired this athletic department, the community, the country, and myself. I reflected upon your fight and determination and thought to myself that if I can have half the perseverance you did in your battle, I can easily overcome this hurdle. I may not be able to do it with the grace you exhibited, but I will do my best because you've taught me to never stop fighting.
 
Lacrosse always came easy for me. I was able to go out on the field and succeed at the highest level doing something I loved. Now it's different. I think about everything. Not because I'm nervous or scared, because everyone around me seems like they have to constantly remind me about my knee. Don't do too much, be careful, how are you feeling, can you do this. I feel as if I'm being babysat, it comes with the territory now I suppose.
   
Looking forward to the spring I think it's pretty obvious what our team goals are. Anything short of a national championship would be a disappointment for our program. Everyone hears the talk, we return arguably the best attack unit in the nation, we should be unstoppable. Key word, should. Nothing is promised, and with a load of talent comes a unique set of obstacles.  
 
Our group is different. Our team mentality trumps our personal interests always. I know Kylie would have handed her record-breaking season away last year to beat Maryland and appear in the Final Four, as I would have done the year before with Syracuse. That's what makes our team so special. Our accolades are all a tribute to our superior team character and 'do whatever it takes to win' mindset. Another example of a great teammate that had as much impact as any of the All-Americans we have had is Samantha Jaffe. Why? She brought consistent energy to our team and never sulked about her circumstance. Instead, she embraced her team role and made us better every day. We wouldn't have been as successful without her presence.
 
 
Its people like Sam that will lead us to the Final Four. Our leadership is unparalleled. I don't think there are many times where Coach [Joe Spallina] ever has to "punish us" for lack of energy. We're not a team that gets caught dogging it. The leaders on our squad demand the most from everyone; our underclassmen play like they're seniors. I think that's key honestly. When you can get the entire team to buy in and play with a senior mentality, like any game can be your last, that's when you're successful. When Taryn [Ohlmiller] and Ally [Kennedy] were scoring in the playoffs did anyone on the field care that they were freshman? No, we were getting one step closer to winning.
 
For every senior out there, don't waste a second. It will be over in the blink of your eyes and you don't want to regret anything. There is nothing like playing at the highest level with 30 of your best friends. Yes, we all can't wait to be done with the early morning lifts, the grueling practices, study hall, class, punishment runs. But deep down, that's what we live for. We sacrifice the nights out, the extra naps, spring breaks… but it makes it all worth it when you beat your conference rival, upset a ranked opponent, make it to playoffs, and shock the world. 
     
To the underclassmen, don't take your first couple of years for granted, don't be intimidated by the upperclassmen. We were in your shoes only a couple years ago, in the end we're all here for the same goal and we need you. These are the people you will be friends with for a lifetime. Make the most of these four years, make memories, mess up, win, lose, ace a class, go outside your comfort zone, experience as much as possible because you will cherish these memories when it's over and you'll never get the opportunity again.
 
The Final Four – if you didn't already know – is being played at LaValle Stadium this year.
 
I came back to win a National Championship, there is no other way around it.
 
When I was younger I watched Northwestern win, and hold the national championship trophy up on our field. It's something that every single person on our team thinks about each day, it's something every little kid who plays sports dreams about, it's something everyone watches… the powerhouse conferences in each collegiate sport endlessly hold up those trophies. We have a chance to bring Stony Brook, a mid-major school, into unchartered territory and give it something that it has never had before.
 
Personally, I just want to experience that feeling, but I know a lot of other expectations will be presented. Do I come back as I was? Am I better? Or will I succumb to my circumstance and float through the season? I would trade any award, any record to hold up a national championship trophy on Stony Brook's field with coach Spallina and my teammates.
 
Lastly, I just want to thank everyone who has been a part of my journey and stuck with me… To the community, and all the college lacrosse fans who sent me letters and cards after my injury – thank you. If it weren't for those gestures I might not have come back. Your words did not go unnoticed, your cards are hanging up in my locker for inspiration.
 
 
For any day that I think the rehab is worthless, or when I can't do something that I used to be able to do, or my knee is killing me and I want to take a day off, I read your inspirational words and know you all are patiently waiting to see me succeed again. This season is for you.
 
Thank you to my team and coaches who were extremely supportive during the whole process. The trust and bond we have is something that can't be matched and I couldn't have gotten this far without all of you. But, we're not done just yet. Thank you to Shawn [Heilbron] and the entire Stony Brook athletic department, who were constantly supportive of me through my journey. Thank you to my family, especially my mother. I know I wasn't the best person to be around for awhile after the injury, but you guys supported and backed my decisions and have always been there for me.
 
Thank you, Danni Kemp,
You're forever in my heart.
#DK23
 
See you all at LaValle Stadium


Courtney