I'm not going to lie. It's very intimidating and difficult to be fully content with writing a piece about my story, especially following the words of some Stony Brook greats--Courtney Murphy, Ray Bolden, and Cam Avery. But after a lot of self-reflection, I realized it is worth being vulnerable and sharing a portion of my life because my story could relate to some of you or someone you know.
     
I'm from Waipahu, Hawaii (where this quote reigns) about 5,002 miles from Long Island. Hawaii is a small, tight-knit community, where you know everyone. I attended a small, private school and graduated with 19 other students (not your typical graduating class size). When you're born and raised in the Hawaiian Islands, a lot of the time you decide to stay on the island. But for me, I knew I wanted to explore more than just Hawaii and I slowly figured out that soccer would be my ticket to do just that. I started playing soccer when I was about four years old and at the time, I chose that over dancing just because it was more enjoyable than doing the splits. As the years went on, soccer eventually grew to be one of my passions and something I thought about continuing throughout college. Initially, I planned to stay as close as possible to Hawaii and attend college on the west coast (just a five-hour flight) hoping to get an opportunity to play soccer.
 
Not to mention, it would be easier for friends and family to visit and watch me play. Luckily, during my junior year our previous coach, Brendan Faherty, contacted me and extended an invitation to check out Stony Brook in New York. This is very embarrassing now, but when I heard New York I thought of Times Square, I had no idea there was an "island" attached to it.
 
When I received his email I thought he was crazy, he watched me play in a 75-degree game with cold gear on. I had no plans to fly on an 11-hour flight to freezing New York, which seemed to always move at a pace of 100 mph. I was satisfied with living in my laid back, small and always warm community surrounded by the same people every day.
 
However, I decided to follow my gut because this was an opportunity of a lifetime and I was beyond grateful for it. When I first stepped foot on campus, I immediately knew this was the place for me. Everyone's energy instantly hit me and I saw the emphasis on family (ʻohana), so I committed right away.
 
Fast forward to freshman year, like most freshmen, I faced a lot of good and bad. I had my first Long Island bagel and New York pizza and I immediately fell in love. I saw snow for the first time and loved it, then realized I ruined my shoes (my teammates then proceeded to buy me my first pair of snow boots). The school was difficult with traveling for away games. Playing soccer was challenging because top players from all around the world surrounded me and you get thrown right into the mix. Initially, it was hard to make friends here because I was new to the area, knew only my teammates, and was very shy. I couldn't really talk to family and friends back home because of the six-hour time difference.
 
When I started creating lists filled with negativity, I realized I was on a downward slope and tried very hard to pull myself out of it but couldn't really do it on my own. There was a point during freshman year where I did not speak to anyone (even my own team), hid in my dorm after class, and worried about literally everything.
 
School became even harder to keep up with as the season went on, I probably spoke to my family and friends once every three weeks, and soccer was no longer my stress reliever but where a lot of my worries came from. I spent a lot of my days trying to calm myself down, control my breathing, and turn my negative thoughts into positive ones like I once could—but nothing worked. I overworked myself constantly in school and soccer never taking a day off and it led to me burning out.
 
The pivotal moment was when my teammates noticed and encouraged me to talk about my mental health (shout out to Rae-Flo). If it wasn't for them I probably would have quit on myself and flown back to Hawaii. It was at that point where I sought out CAPS (Counseling And Psychological Services) at Stony Brook, where I learned I was struggling with anxiety. I was able to talk with a psychologist and find ways to control my worries.
 
 
After understanding this, I was swarmed with love and ways to combat it. So many teammates, athletes, and friends shared their stories with me and it made me feel normal. This whole process was when I realized I made one of the best choices of my life to attend Stony Brook. I was surrounded by ʻOhana and knew I was definitely home. 
 
Being a student-athlete is demanding and the transition is an obstacle. But what I realized is the same family atmosphere that encouraged me to come to Stony Brook is the same ʻohana that helped me out of that dark period. There are so many people here -- teammates, coaches, staff, professors, trainers -- that are here to see you succeed and grow into the person you are meant to be. "ʻOhana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." Nobody left me behind and that's the Seawolf culture we have -- I'm always going to be grateful for my family here.
 
 
Looking back on these past three years, I haven't really taken a moment to reflect because we are programed to look at what's next. So my advice to everyone reading this is: Don't be afraid to seek help, it is okay to rely on other people.
 
Embrace every moment you have, good or bad. Every instant will impact your growth on your journey; no journey is ever the same, understand that. I learned to combat my worries and hardships with the people and moments here. I now embrace every moment I have, whether it be sprinting a fitness test, attending a lecture, winning a game, cheering on another team, joining a club, I'm taking it all in.
 
These experiences would have been a mere thought if I hadn't seized the opportunity of crossing the entire United States to reach here. So honestly, this is a big mahalo (thank you) to all of you reading my story and for allowing me to be here while helping me through my obstacles. This island-to-island journey has taught me that home isn't defined by where you are but the people that surround you. You are my ʻohana and I will never leave you behind.